A Fork In The Road - 07/22/2011

Twenty five years ago, I went to see an aryuvedic doctor who told me that in order to achieve a balanced life, I needed to learn how to meditate.  He believed that the commitment and consistency of the practice would help me become more grounded.  At this time in my life, these two things were completely foreign to me: meditation and being grounded.  I was lost, and at a fork in the road.  My girlfriend told me about a weeklong retreat, in Canada, where I could learn how to meditate.  The week was comprised of a cleanse,  silence, a daily message, and long walks. 

At the time, it sounded perfect, so I booked the trip.  I soon learned that what I needed and what I wanted were two completely different things.  Upon starting the retreat, we were told that the week would be spent mostly in silence.  During meals, we could whisper, but the remaining time we were advised to “remain in silence, take long walks among nature, and just be”.  I had NO idea how to do any of these things; SILENCE (hello I live in - LA its all about go, go, go), MEDITATE (what’s that?), JUST BE (Huh?).  Needless to say, the retreat that I thought I wanted and needed became my worst nightmare.  I remember sneaking phone calls to my family and friends saying, “Get me out of here! What have I done?” 

During my meditation training, they told me I needed to meditate for 20 minutes, two times a day. This entailed sitting, breathing, and meditating on a word that was given to me.  I remember opening my eyes to look at the clock and 30 seconds had passed - UGGGHHHHHH.  Every few minutes I would open my eyes and ask, “Am I meditating yet?”  My teacher would smile and tell me to go back to “the word”.  Would the 20 minutes ever end?  I felt like I was in a torture chamber.  I understand that this seems dramatic since all I was doing was sitting, breathing, and saying a word over and over in my head for 20 minutes.  However at this point in my life, I had never done any of these things, especially at the same time, for 20 minutes.  After what seemed like an eternity, it was finally over.  The instructor smiled and said, “Very good.  I’ll see you tonight for your evening meditation.”   

The next 3 days were hard - very hard.  I was once again at a fork in the road.  Do I leave the retreat or do I stay?  I remember feeling uncomfortable, angry, and frustrated.  All the silence and limited food was really getting to me. 

On day 5, in my morning meditation,  I remember opening my eyes and 20 minutes had passed easily and effortlessly.  I had done the entire meditation without watching the clock or asking “am I meditating yet?”  I had experienced what everyone talks about, the bliss/the nothingness connection.  I was hooked!

I have been meditating for many years now and I can’t imagine starting the day without it.  It took time, commitment, and the desire of wanting something that brought me great peace.  Over the years when people ask, “what can I do to become happier, healthier and focused”, I recommend meditation.  It is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.  If you are at a fork in the road, find a meditation technique that you connect with and start.  Try doing it for 40 days consistently and feel what shifts within you. 

In the silence and breath we become clear.  As we stand at a fork in the road of life, we can see which path is ours to take…

Namaste
By Heather Askinosie